User blog:Mystery Crazed/Review for My Sims (DS Version)

Hiya, everyone! It's me, Mystery! See, I was really bored, so I decided to go screw my normal logic and write this Review (that sounds strangely like a walkthrough) for My Sims for the Nintendo Dual-Screen...I mean, Nintendo DS.

Walkthrough/Review
*Warning: Contains some sarcasm, some snark, and loads of funny. Do not read if you actually are obsessing over My Sims.*

So like all My Sims games, you start the game by picking your gender and how you will look for the first couple minutes of the game (due to the fact that Helen wouldn't allow you to go home until nightfall, giving you plenty of time due to a *endless time* feature- note that it only works for finding Tim, talking to Ewan and Tyler, and helping Ashley make the town 'pretty'.) Anyway, when you're finished with all that, Helen will finally allow you to go home. But, there's a catch. If you want to possibly tour the main part of town, please make sure to do that before you enter your house. You'll be forced to go to sleep (therefore not allowing you to leave.).

*By Now, You Will Be At Star Level One.*

Next morning...since you were forced to take a goddamn nap before. In every Star Level, you will see a 'Newspaper' with your heroes heroics (yeah, not really), followed by a cutscene with Helen....who tells you that new people came! Woohoo!

Since it's morning, you can go visit Olivia (who was stupid enough to try on armor, then proceeded to get stuck in it), Joseph (Fishing Guru), and Sophie ('the person who lives in the forest'). Sophie is 'asleep' (she claims) or 'hungover' (I claim) when you first meet her. Strange thing is, you have to cheer her up while she's '''asleep. ''' You heard me right. You'll get a minor S.L. boost, plus the chance to buy furniture (This is the easiest way for you to get wallpaper and stuff).

Now it's time to talk to the accent-having, fishing obsessed version of Goth Boy! No, seriously. Joseph is literally depressed upon meeting him. But bug him long enough and he'll start being perky. Now if you weren't expecting his attitude change, you'd seriously think that the dude was having some serious mood-fuckers....I mean, mood swings. Your prize is....wait for it....a Star Level boost and money....mmhm.....anything else? HE GIVES YOU A CHEAP FISHING ROD! I can't believe that I wasted three damn days for this!

*I would advise you to go visit Olivia first, then proceed to meet Sophie and Joseph ....in that order. Olivia's closer to you, Sophie's less time-consuming, and you still need to go to that bastard's house three times in the timespan of three days.*

*You will now be on Star Level Two.*

If that last part was confusing you, let me clear something up. You start on Star Level Zero. When that's finished, you go up to star level One''. Listed above ''will help you get to Star Level Two. Now...let's begin, bytchez. (Heh. I sound epic.)

After another cut screen (we're almost there, no worries), Helen tells us that Gino has come to town! Oh wait....that's Charlie, his twin....cousin. Now that's fucked up. Also moving to town is Amu Hinamori! I mean....Marie!

*Charlie is a female. Under the mustache and the weird hairdo, he's a female. Always remember that.*

So follow the yellow brick road, players. You'll meet Charlie, also known as Gossip Girl. Extra hint on the 'Gossip', since that's his occupation. Whatever. Anyway, after some more Stars, move on to the highlands. Cool thing: you can now take the bus. So sing it with me! The emo ranger on the bus goes bitch and whine, bitch and whine, bitch and ''whine. ''The emo ranger on the bus goes bitch and whine....all over town! Hey; that rhymed.

Amu Hinamori lives on the edge of a cliff. As my song states, she's all whiny and gets all bitch-defensive on you, prompting you to go cheer the hopeless loner up. Get drunk and pass out at home until the next morning, where Amu decides to go test out some equiptment. Because she's as persuasive as Lyle from Animal Crossing, you're forced to try 'Hangliding'. It's a good game, but the fact that she would have the nerve to force me to try a death-trap is just plain wrong.

Yayz! I get a Scooby Snack that looks kinda like a star...or something to that effect. Go make Hawaiian leis for Ashley (we got nothing else to do), and just party it up until Gossip Girl tells you where to go VIA cake-buying. If anything, all will go well and you automatically collaspe from lack of...well, ''Social Life. ''Gasp!

*You are now on Star Level Three!*

Alright! Star Level Three's where fun really kicks in! Remember the girl with pink hair, gold eyes, and freckles? Yeah; that's Nicki. She runs the boat (later Scuba Diving, although you can go to the Entertainment Area at any time) service in town, which takes you to Entertainment Area. Clever name, EA.

Anyway! Elizabeth, the Queen Bee of the Resort, should be at the island. If she is, you'll have to cheer her up. Later, she's going to rob- er, give her doghouse to you for 10,000 simoleons. Chick, listen, I don't have dinero like that. But miraculously, you manage to scrap 10,000 dollars together by robbing the other occupants/vistors/New York Tourists. Woot. Meanwhile, just stalk- er...talk to the other sims until Gossip Girl can save the day again. He'll send you to Tim, who gives you...another Racquet! Cue the onimous la-la-la'ing! You can also go and meet Forrest, an I-want-my-mommy-to-protect-me-from-the-crazy-sims-of-Autumn-Bay type of dude...while he's not being a slave driver...or making you fish and go hunting for flowers....that bastard.

Eventually, Gossip Girl will yet again underestimate me, and force me to cheer up Sophie ''again. ''At least I can make my own furniture. Woot. Now, this is what had helped me level up, finally bringing this chapter to a close.

*You are now on Star Level Four!*

Blah....blah....cutscreen... . ''Alright! ''Control! March on over to the mountains (what the hell is wrong with EA? Creating odd death-trap areas....first the Highlands, now this!) and meet Tracy!

....More like, slap Tracy. She mixes you up with Elizabeth because you just-so-happened to be the first person she runs into. So after some bitching and yelling, she reclaims her sanity and starts ranting about money...and business....and stuff. Yayz, Scooby Snacks! Now that we cheered up one person, move onto the forest to help Forrest. The cheap bastard gives you a tiny margin to level up. Now if you didn't start digging, I'd advise you to start digging until you're sure that you're going to lose feeling in your muscles. It's MS's version of ''Holes! ''Holy bytches!

You should probably get about 600 points (more would be acceptable if you want to buy a gem or two) to get a stone body. The cheapest would be about 300...so just get eight hundred points on digging (Dowsing) to be safe. After a few days, go to Tracy (make sure to stop by Gossip Girl's bakery!), who is going to make you...

Paraglide. Cue the "HOLY SHIT!" moment. Same rules as before: you no hit birds, you no die. You get diamonds...or plumblobs.....or something similar to that effect. Catch some breeze to go farther. When you survive, Tracy's going to go all 'OH MY GOD! I'm GOING TO GET RICH, BYTCH!' and ignore thanking you. You will then proceed to smack her with a shovel for making you her test-dummy (not really). More Scooby Snacks! YAYZ!

Hopefully, by now, Elizabeth will become a mixture of Ms. Nicole (starts caring more about clothes) and Tyra Banks (model your clothes), so start doing those fashion checks! Not sure if you'll win anything, but who cares? You can do it again if you fail.

Some people may not encounter this, but in a couple day's time, Olivia will get stuck yet again, but this time under the table. Save her by pressing A (like you did earlier), and she'll explain that she was picking up a pen...and she has better stuff! More yayz!

By the time you do that, go talk to Helen. She'll start asking you if you think that the town would be better with a Town Statue (or something to that effect). You- being a good little manipulative bitch- says yes, allowing you to add a head and body piece to make....well, a statue. What, you expected something else?

*You have now reached Star Level Five!*

The last level of the game. Helen will drop a not-so-subtle hint about the Entertainment Area, prodding you to go there. Guess what Australian-accent having dude you'll meet in all My Sims games for the DS? Martin, baby! He's a bad pilot....like seriously. He crashes in the Entertainment Area in this game and ends up crashing into a UFO in the next game. Poor....poor....Martin. Anyway, he claims that he needs to fix it. Party it up for three days. He'll claim that he needs fuel....in other words, you need to play....

''Skydiving. The Australian makes me go Skydiving. ''The game's full of cruel people, I swear. You do good (you need to pay 200 simoleons to play, though), you get good money, and voila! He's so happy, he decides to crash there for''ever! Oh noes!'' Well, fine. He stays there until the next game, where he somehow manage to get a helicopter (rental place, maybe?) and crashes yet again. It's just a crash-in-hello for this eccentric red-head...

Thoughts
It was good. Not great- it didn't blow me away, like the other two games would. But, I have to admit...it did have its moments where I was thinking: 'Hey....this is actually pretty good!' while playing Paragliding and Dowsing. And I'll have to admit that this place did have some unique qualities that actually made the game better, like making rings, selling cakes, and partying it up at the disco. In fact, it was so much like real life that I actually was attached to the game for a while.

(Actually, I was attracted to Animal Crossing Wild World, which had came out a year before My Sims. But since the two were *for me* almost the same in terms of some of the personalities.)

But now, when I think about it, while the game was interesting, it lacked action (Agents), fun (Kingdom), cool characters (both), and crazy adventures (both again; Kingdom has you chasing Dr. Nefario and Agents has Thief V/ Vincent Skullfinder.). But again, it also lack good minigames (Kingdom), a club (Kingdom), a good ending (all of the games), and reasons why you should go hunting for your game and start playing it again (all the games, sadly.) 

If I was a real reviewer: 5/10.

A Random Exit
Me: Now where did I put my My Sims Kingdom? Maybe I can get some cuppycakes.

-five minutes later-

Me: ....Sniff....Someone ate my cuppycakes!

Roland: It wasn't me.

Me:  Of course you didn't. Goodbye, MYSIMSers~!

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Dr. F: Muhahaha! My plan- it's a sucess! F stands for Freakin' Excited, like those young people say.

Alexa: Honestly, you need to work on being 'hip'.

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